reflections

Something I need more of

It is my fault. I sabatoge my own quiet time with constant

• podcasts
• music
• tv
• chatting online
• radio

My mind is so loud that even on a quiet night I sometimes fail to notice the crickets singing.

I think so. I can't remember when, but at somepoint I started listening to audio books at night to 'help me' fall asleep. God forbid I lay there for a few moments without any input. Maybe I'm scared of being swallowed up by the silence. Or maybe I have created a bad association between being lonely and being quiet.

I'm also scared that if I have quiet time then I will have more ability to hear my thoughts and feelings. There is a part of me that doesn't want to deal with those thoughts and feelings so I try to continuously drown them out.

The thoughts and feelings creep back in anyway. And when the quiet finally does comes they come rush in like a flood.

I want to try to do more activities, that I usually would 'pair' with some form of background noise, silently.

1. Sleeping quietly. Maybe a short calming 15-20 minute talk to steer your thoughts in the right direction, but no more indefinite nonstop audio.
2. Studying quietly. Lofi sucks anyway. And let's face it, listening to chinese audio in the background is doing nothing to improve your language ability.
3. Eating quietly. Stop watching tv while your eating. Eating is actually keeping you alive. You should pay attention to behaviors that are keeping you alive.
4. Walking quietly. Leave the podcast at home.
5. Driving quietly. Stop trying to 'optimize' your time by sqeezing in more information. do-one-thing
6. Resting quietly. Even my rest has become invaded. Taking a break often consists of me whipping out the phone or watching some dumb video. How about just sitting there? Or if you want to have a cup of tea then really enjoy that cup of tea. A cup of tea is rare.

I want to become friends again with quiet.

when it quites down you have space to think your own thoughts. you give more priority to your own voice. if all you do is consume you just become a parrot. its better to consume less and actually develop your own thoughts and opinions on the things you do consume.

somewhat ironically i thought of this while taking a walk and not listening to anything.

[stop listening to podcasts](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=35974644#:~:text=It%20overloads%20your%20brain%20if,to%20problems%20now%2C%20than%20before.)